Baby, You Don't Look A Day Over Sexy
by teh-fargs
Summary: The Twins celebrate their birthday. Harry has things get awkward. A few clothes are shed, in the name of justice and good times, of course. *I've never written angst, I hope the flashback is satisfactory for you, Andrea.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Baby, You Don't Look A Day Over Sexy

Pairings: Implied Ron/Hermione and Neville/Ginny, Harry molestation

Rating: T/M for some lovin'

Disclaimer: JKR owns all the boys; I only obsess

Notes: Set as an alternate ending after the Final Battle

For my lovely BFF Andrea on her birthday. You are loved!

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"Happy Birthday!"

Harry grinned as he shouted, cheering along with the rest of them, clapping until his hands hurt. It felt good to be back here, to be surrounded with everyone he loved.

"Thank you, thank you," George said, both the twins raising their hands for silence after two sweeping bows. The small group ceased their clapping and watched the two with expectant-yet-wary smiles. Fred and George smiled at each other before Fred began to speak.

"We're glad all you lot could come to the family party. Really though, we're just glad we could make it. There was a late shipping of dragon hide that came in last night so we weren't sure if we'd get here on time."

"Mostly we just knew you'd make one of your cakes, Mum," George said with a grin. "So we rushed back the minute things were alright."

"Anyways, we appreciate everything you've given us. Mum, Dad. Remus, Tonks. Thanks for the jackets. They're sweet."

The four adults smiled at the twins.

"Unfortunately we're going to have to ask you to give us a moment with the rest of the guest," George said and the smiles faltered.

"Why?" Molly asked. "You haven't brought any new gadgets with you? I'l not be having them in my house."

"We know, Mum," Fred said. "It's not about that."

"We're having another party for just us kids," George explained.

"And exactly why are we being left out for this?" Molly asked. "There won't be drugs at this party, will there?"

"Come now, Molly," Arthur said with a sigh. "The boys are grown up. Let's just leave them alone, all right?"

"Yes, Molly," Tonks agreed with a smile. "One night of fun won't kill them."

"Yes, but..."

"Perhaps you could show me that lovely set of books you were talking about now?" Remus offered.

"Fine," Molly huffed. "Fine, I'll show you."

Tonks turned and winked at the rest of the group as the four of them made their way into the living room. "And no eavesdropping all right, Molly?"

"I would never even think of it!" Molly retorted, though there was a hint of guilt in her voice.

George laughed and Fred turned to the rest of the group with a mischievous smile.

"So what's this really about?" Bill asked, his arm wrapped lightly around Fleur's shoulders.

"We really are having a party," Fred said.

"We even rented a hall for it," George added.

"As you all know, we're turning twenty."

"So we're going to have to be at least a little grown up after this."

"One last immaturity hurrah, so to speak."

"Should we even ask?" Charlie muttered.

The twins flashed identical grins.

"There's a theme."

"We had a lot of fun picking one."

"We even had a list written down."

"But we lost it."

"Pity, isn't it?"

"Get on with it!" Ron snapped.

"The theme we chose..."

"Is 'Fanservice'."

The group stared at the two.

"What?" Hermione whispered.

"You're both idiots," Charlie laughed.

"What the hell kind of theme is that?" Ron asked.

"We wanted to go our with a bang."

"Do you mean zat we are to dress up?" Fleur asked, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I certainly hope you do," Fred said.

"Watch it," Bill growled.

"We want everyone to dress up," George explained. Since the theme is fanservice, each guest is expected to come in something..." He turned to his twin. "What was the word we used?"

"Sensual? Seductive? Sexy? Physically stimulating?"

"Just come looking good," George explained.

"Especially you, Hermione," Fred said, pointing at her. "Since you're the only one not related to us."

"Yet," George mumbled with a wink and Ron's ears tinged a shade darker than normal.

"Either way, we've already decided our costumes so you need to think of yours," Fred told the baffled group still staring at them.

Charlie broke the silence first. "Well, I'm game."

"Yeah," Bill laughed. He looked over to Fleur. "Want to go?"

"Of course," Fleur smiled. "I would like to zee what your brozers have in store for us."

George smiled charmingly at her. "Anything for you, Fleur."

"Anything at all," Fred insisted but grinned sheepishly when Bill growled at them again, quickly changing course. "So. Any of you lot have ideas yet?"

"How about not going?" Ron grumbled.

"I don't know," Hermione said hesitantly. "It sounds... intriguing, all though still demeaning. And it is their twentieth birthday."

"Great!" Fred grinned. "You're all coming then."

"You know, you and Fleur should go as a fairytale couple," Gorge noted, idly watching the two.

"What do you mean?" Bill asked.

"You mean like a prinz and prinzess?" Fleur asked.

"Exactly," George nodded. "You pretty much play the part already. Well, Fleur does anyways."

"Funny," Bill drawled. He straightened up and shifted his jacket. "It does seem fun though."

"What about you, Charlie?" Fred asked.

Charlie grinned. "I already have an outfit picked out and I'm pretty sure it fits the theme."

"Great!" Fred grinned.

"What are you four whispering about?" George asked slyly at the youngest members of the table.

"Ginny's not going, right?" Ron asked with a frown. "She's too young."

Ginny gave both of them the Weasley Woman Glare.

"Of course she's coming!" George laughed nervously.

"Definitely," Fred agreed, just as on edge. "It wouldn't be the same without her."

Hermione leaned in and whispered, "You have to teach me how to do that."

Ginny grinned and gave her a thumbs up before straightening up and announcing, "I think I'll come as a cat."

"A cat?" Ron asked. "Like... a catsuit?"

"What else?" Ginny snapped. "Just the ears and tail?"

Ron shook his head, eyes wide.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot. Of course I mean a catsuit."

"Now what about Harry?" George wondered. The two looked at each other and exchanged identical smirks before turning back to Harry and singing, "School girl outfit!"

"Sod off," Harry said instantly. "I don't dress up."

"Oh come on, Harry," Fred laughed. "Everyone needs some cross-dressing fanservice every so often."

"I said no!" Harry shouted, standing to his feet. Hermione squeaked when he almost knocked her over.

George frowned. Harry's posture said Pissed Off but his eyes said otherwise; his eyes said the boy was terrified and that his shaking fists weren't exactly caused by what one would consider rage. Fred sighed when George elbowed him into the side. "All right, all right. You can wear something else."

Harry's lips turned down into a faint scowl. "I'm going to get a drink," he growled through gritted teeth before turning stiffly and walking out of the room. Ginny quickly trotted after him.

"Ron, you can wear the skirt," George said blankly before anyone else could leave after him, cracking into a grin when Ron spluttered incoherently.

"That's not fanservice for us," Fred objected.

"Then it's fanservice for Hermione," George said.

"Oh," Fred nodded, watching as Hermione stared at the two with wide, guilty eyes. "Right."

"I am _not_-"

"Shut up. You'll do it or you're not invited."

"I'm your brother!" Ron snapped.

"Which it the exact reason that we're picking on you," George said.

"But don't worry," Fred said, still locked in his staring contest with Hermione. "We're making your girlfriend a bunny girl."

"We are. Wait, we are?"

"We are."

"We what?" Hermione all but shrieked, hands clutching at her shirt collar and pulling it higher around her neck.

"Ah," George smirked. "Yes, I think we are."

"But... but..."

"Then what are you two wearing?" Ron asked, immediately regretting the question at the grins he received.

"Well, we were originally going to come in our birthday suits-"

"Please don't!"

"Don't interrupt, Ron. It's rude."

"Anyways, we figured it might get a little cold."

"And drafty."

"Yes, that too. So instead we decided we would use the party to show off our new product."

"Our new _line_of products."

"Awesome products."

"Magical products."

"In more ways than one."

Charlie snorted.

Fred grinned at him before turning to Ron and replying, "Anyways, it's a secret so we can't give you anymore of a hint than that."

Ron eyed the two nervously. "I think... I'm going to go get Harry."

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"Oi, mate. Why did you run off like that?" Ron asked when he found Harry and Ginny standing by the sink. "I know Fred and George can be real dunces sometimes, but you shouldn't let it bother you. You should know that by now too."

"I'm sorry," Harry said quietly. "But it's just... the... er, the dressing-up thing."

Ron smiled sympathetically. "Dursleys?"

"Yeah," Harry said quietly, staring a hole into the plates on the counter and wondering if he could just disappear before remembering he could apparate. He felt Ginny's hand on his arm.

"We're here for you."

Harry smiled at her. "Thanks."

"Well they've got me doing it now so thanks a lot," Ron said with a lop-sided grin.

Harry's smile grew. "You're daft at making people feel better."

"That's what I'm here for," Ron said, swinging an arm over his shoulders while Ginny looped her left arm with his right, the three of them marching back into the dining room.

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_"Give me back my clothes!"_

_"No way, Turd. They're too big for you anyways."_

_"I don't care! Give them back!"_

_"I left you one outfit. Wear that."_

_"No way! Dudley, give it back!"_

_Dudley smirked. "Give what back, Harry?"_

_"Give me back my clothes! I'm not wearing girls' stuff!"_

_"You're not boy sized, Turd. You belong in girls' clothes. They suit you."_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Go on, Harry. Or do you prefer Harietta?"_

_"I'm serious! Shut up!"_

_Suddenly Vernon's voice could be heard._

_"Boy, get down here and make breakfast! I'm starving!"_

_Dudley took the fraction of a second while Harry was occupied to waddle as fast as he could to his room and throw the clothes in, locking the door._

_Harry sighed; defeated again. Perhaps Vernon was feeling exceptionally tired and didn't want to see him at all? "But I don't have any clothes!"_

_"Stop your excuses! Put some clothes on and get the breakfast started!"_

_Perhaps not._

_"But Dudley-"_

_"Don't blame Dudley for your misbehavior! Now find some clothes and get a move on!"_

_"Okay," Harry mumbled and walked back into his room, eyeing the item distastefully. It wasn't the first time Dudley had done this, but it was the first time in front of his parents, or at least while they were home. He picked it up gingerly between his fingers, feeling the itchy cotton rub against his skin. Dudley had probably bullied some kid into stealing it out of the girls' lockers._

_Harry jumped at the sound of "Boy! Now!" and unzipped the skirt, pulling it on and fastening it closed._

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_"What the hell are you wearing?" Vernon bellowed, cuffing Harry sharply across his jaw._

_"I don't have anything else to wear!" Harry tried to shout. "Dudley-!"_

_"Don't you dare blame your vulgar actions on my Dudley, boy!" Vernon shouted, overpowering Dudley's laughter so that only Harry, who was staring wide-eyed into his face, could see that wicked grin. Another blow. The floor against his back.Dudley had stopped laughing at least. Petunia must have taken him out of the room. Harry recalled, as another blow fell to his side, that "punishment wasn't good for Duddey-kins to see with his innocent eyes"._

_It was a good thing too, since Harry was being shoved roughly against the wall face first. Harry couldn't feel the skirt against his legs anymore..._

_Unbearable pain. Harry had screamed but Vernon's hand covering his mouth kept the noise from getting too far. Black spots in front of his eyes, pushing, shoving, scratching at the man's hands._

_Then it was over and Harry was on the floor again._

_"You disgust me," came the sound of a growl from above, accompanied by a zipper. "Sick child. Don't ever let me catch you wearing that again."_

_Harry stayed motionless on the floor. He didn't dare cry out, even as the the edges of his darkened vision until there was nothing but the memory of that unforgiving roughness and pain._

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George looked up when the three returned. He watched Harry through his grin, searching for whatever had been there, but only finding a smile.

"Sorry about that," Harry said sheepishly, sitting back down at the table.

"We understand you're pretty manly, Harry, but you need to let loose once on a while," Fred said.

"Which is why we're planning the party to happen on the fourth," George said, neatly drawing everyone's attention away from Harry. He noticed the boy almost sigh in relief. "So make sure you're there."

"We'll be sending out invitations tomorrow," Fred added, "So do check your mail."


	2. Chapter 2

"They're late."

"Did you expect them to be early?"

"No."

"It is our birthday, though."

"They at least better come soon."

"Maybe Harry chickened out?"

"Maybe. He did seem nervous about the whole thing."

"At least he changed his mind at all."

"Fred! George! Happy birthday!"

The two were pulled from their monologue when they heard Katie Bell's voice, turning to see her coming over.

George grinned. "Damn, Katie."

"You look great," Fred agreed, taking in her sailor uniform, miniskirt, hat and all.

"Thanks," Katie laughed, shoving a package into Fred's hands. "It was lots of fun to make. Well I'll see you later, okay? I'm just going to get a drink."

The two watched her trot off.

"We are geniuses."

"We really are."

"I love this theme."

"Me too."

"Damn it, Ron! Let me go! I'm not going in there!"

Fred grinned, turning to the doors and finding three bodies, two blushing faces, and one skirt entering the room. "Finally, they're here."

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Harry was not blushing. He was not embarrassed nor devastated, and he certainly wasn't letting all those stared get to him.

Okay, so that was a lie, but wasn't he entitled to one little lie to save his ego, even if it had been destroyed beyond all salvation already? Damn skirts and their mind bending powers to ruin his life.

"You're blushing," Hermione muttered at him.

"So are you," Harry retorted sharply. "I can't believe you talked me into this. I can't even believe you agreed to come in the first place."

"Shut up," Hermione snapped. "We're both doing it to boost our confidence. Nothing else."

"Witch."

"Of course."

"Will you two shut up?" Ron hissed. "Everyone's looking at us."

"We are showing up late," Harry said.

"Your fault!" Ron replied.

"Took you three long enough," a familiar chorus sang, Fred and George popping out of nowhere.

"Nice outfit, Mione," Fred grinned.

Hermione blushed even harder at the comment. She wore fishnets and a black bunny suit, bunny ear headband on her head, white gloves on her hands. It had taken a few drinks and a lot of convincing before he stepped into the outfit, but she had eventually worn the thing when she had to promise Harry they would both wear their costumes for confidence building only. She narrowed her eyes at the twins. "I hate you."

Fred chuckled and the two turned towards Harry.

"Nice," George commented.

"Very nice," Fred agreed with a snicker. Harry scowled and pulled the skirt lower around his knees.

"What about you two?" Ron barked. "What the hell are you wearing?"

George grinned and cracked his whip. The two of them were wearing matching leather pants with matching open-chested vests, whip in George's hands, handcuffs around Fred's waist, and thick spiked collar around his neck. "It's called bondage, you idiot. Ever heard of it?"

"Leather, whips and chains," Fred grinned. "Lots of fun."

"R-Right..." Ron mumbled. "We're going to leave now."

"You haven't given us your presents yet, though," Fred reminded them.

Harry paled as Hermione handed over a large bottle of wine and an engraved bottle opener. "M-My..."

"You forgot it, didn't you?" Ron asked.

"Why didn't you remind me?" Harry snapped. "It was on the foot of your bed."

"Well considering we had to literally drag you to the car, there wasn't a lot of time to remember your present!" Ron snapped. Harry simply glared at him and pulled at his skirt again.

"You pull that thing any lower and it's going to fall off, you know," George commented.

"Shut up! This is all your fault anyways!"

"It's Fred too."

"Yes, don't forget me."

"Whatever," Harry grumbled. "I'm going to get a drink."

Fred and George eyed him as he stormed off towards the buffet. "He's so fun to tease."

"Just don't tease him too much, all right?" Hermione asked. "He's upset enough."

"Sure. Do you want to dance?"

"Wh- Umm..." Hermione stuttered, taken off guard.

"Stop teasing her too!" Ron barked, leading her away. "Bugger off!"

Fred eyed George out of the corner of his eye. "Want to?"

"Of course," George grinned. "Once more dance, though."

"Whatever you say."

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Ten minutes later, Harry sighed as he eyed the plastic cup in his hands. Should he really drink it? It was a risk, considering who was throwing the party, and Harry was sure most things on the table were hexed. Cho had already accidentally discovered the Breast Enhancing Cookies and spent the next twenty minutes in a bathroom stall until her kimono fit again.

"Harry! Hey, Harry!"

Harry was jolted back to reality at the slurred shout of his name. He turned and found Ginny, leather catsuit and all, waving at him and falling into his arms when she got close enough. Harry caught her. "Are you okay?"

"The punch is really good!" Ginny said urgently before her expression took a turn for the worst. "But I've lost Neville!" she wailed.

"Did they curse the punch?" Harry asked, setting her into a nearby chair.

Ginny shook her head so hard she almost fell off, bursting into giggles. "No, just the snacks."

"Good," Harry said and drowned the contents of his cup. It was the good Firewhiskey, too, if the burning sensation down his throat was any indicator.

"I wish Neville was here," Ginny said. "Have you seen him, Harry? He's a vampire. He even bit me last- yesterday. I wish I knew where he was. Neville! Will you help me look for him?"

"Er, I was going to stay here," Harry said.

Drunk or not, Ginny tactfully let the 'to hid from the rest of the world' remain unsaid. Instead she asked, "Where are the birthday boys?"

"Dunno," Harry replied. "I haven't seen them for about twenty minutes."

"Will you please help me look for Neville, then?" Ginny pleaded.

"Well, okay," Harry agreed and helped her up. "Just for a little while..."


	3. Chapter 3

Harry opened the first door on the right and quickly but quietly shut it behind him. After ten trips around the hall, fifteen dances, and four more cups of Firewhiskey, he had finally gotten rid of Ginny.

Sighing in relief, he turned to see what room he had chosen to hide in and stopped dead.

Two pairs of eyes stared back at him while two freckled faces turned an even darker shade of flushed than they had already been.

"Er," Harry said.

"Yes," George replied.

"Definitely," Fred agreed.

"I should go," Harry said, keeping his eyes trained towards the upper half of the tangle of sheets and limbs and an old mattress as he backed up, feeling behind him for the door handle. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Fred said with a sudden grin. "We don't mind if you stay, Harry."

"Sure," George agreed with an equally unnerving smile. "We don't mind sharing."

"Wh- Er, N-No. I'm just... Ginny... I'm hiding..."

"In the closet?" Fred offered.

"Don't worry," George said. "She's very understanding."

"No!" Harry snapped. "She's drunk!"

"She'll still understand."

"Though she might forget."

"Probably."

"I'm going to go," Harry said and twisted towards the door. "Sorry to interrupt."

Too bad the door handle didn't turn. He could hear the soft rustle of cotton sliding off skin and he closed his eyes, hoping against hope that this wasn't happening even though he knew it very much was.

A hand slid up to rest on his shoulder.

"Why don't you join us? You must be awfully cold wearing that outfit."

"Open the door, George."

"It's was Fred's idea to put the locking charm on."

"Personally I was hoping for Hermione..."

"Just open the damn door!" Harry snapped, shrugging the hand off his shoulder and glaring at two shocked expressions.

"Relax, Harry. We're not going to hurt you."

"A lot."

"Fred!" George hissed, glaring at his brother.

"Sorry."

Harry's brain was melting out his ears. This was too embarrassing and ridiculus and stupid and terrifying and he was going to get hurt just like before. He just knew it. Skirts were cursed.

The hand returned to his shoulder; it was Fred this time, a charming smile on his face. "C'mon, Harry. You know you owe us for forgetting our present."

Harry had a list of counter-attacks longer than the amount of nicknames he'd received in his life time, but his brain clogged up when a hand began to inch its way up his thigh. He closed his eyes again and swallowed. There were lips now, at his neck, and this didn't seem like last time. There were no lips last time. Just rough hands and the floor. His entire body had ached for days, but it didn't hurt now. His skin seared wherever hands touched his skin, but it wasn't a bad sort of feeling.

Then there were another set of lips, nipping at his shoulder this time. The world seemed to be spinning a little. His knees were giving way so he gripped onto Fred's arms.

Fred looked up at his brother. "Bed."

George nodded and hooked his arm under Harry's knees, sweeping the boy into his arms. Harry tensed and tried to jump, but George wasn't letting go of him as the three of them made the four or five steps it too to cross the room. Harry was deposited onto the mattress and he stared at the two grins beaming back at him.

"Ever done it with twins before, Harry?"

"N-N..."

"Twice the fun," George said, leaning over Harry and whispering into his ear. "Just relax and we'll take care of everything, okay?"

Harry couldn't really speak anymore so he just nodded.

"Stop teasing him, George," Fred chided. "He's scared."

"I'd be scared if I saw you naked."

"You have seen me naked. Many times."

"Oh yeah," George laughed and then the hands were back, roaming over his legs and neck.

Finally Harry found his voice, rasping out, "Stop..."

The movements hesitated and the freckled faces were back in his vision, concern in their eyes this time.

"Are you okay, Harry?"

"Did we go too fast?"

"You're shaking, you know."

"I think he knows that, Fred."

"Right. We'll stop if you want."

Harry blinked. He'd never had that option before. "You will?"

"Of course we will, you dolt," Fred said with a grin. "If you didn't want to, just say so."

"I didn't know I could," Harry said. He stiffened when anger flashed across both thier faces.

"Who hurt you, Harry?" George asked with a growl.  
"W- I..." Harry stuttered.

Fred placed a hand on George's shoulder and the rage seemed to drain out of him. Harry wondered what it felt like, to trust someone so much he could ground his emotions into that other person without fear of rejection or mistrust. As much as he loved Ron and Hermione and all the other Weasleys, it seemed different with these two.

Fred's voice jolted him out of his thoughts.

"We're sorry, Harry. We didn't know someone had... We're sorry."

"It's okay," Harry said quickly. "I don't mind."

George's lips quirked into a smile. "What's with the change of heart?"

Harry bit his lip and Fred chuckled.

"Something sentimental?"

"No," Harry lied.

The two of them laughed and George leaned forwards hesitantly.

Harry smiled.

George grinned and kissed him, ghosting over his lips as he added, "Just say when if it's too much."

"Okay," Harry said and willed his body to relax. This was Fred and George, two friends who had followed him blindly through the final battle, risking their lives for orders Harry hadn't even known could be done. His body was heating up again as Fred slipped a hand under the hem of his skirt.

'So this is what it's supposed to feel... Ngfsmm!' were the last words Harry was able to coherently string together before his brain shut off and his other head took over all physical movement.

--------------------

"Oi! Harry!" Ron called somewhere to his left.

Harry turned and walked over to two waving at him.

"You're hair's all messy," Hermione said slyly. Harry quickly flattened it down.

"It's always messy," Ron said. He frowned. "Where have you been?"

"I was, er, just... you know..."

Hermione took pity on him. "Mingling?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah."

"Mingle with anyone we know?" Or maybe not.

Thank God Hermione was at least subtle with her teasing. Harry could feel the heat rising back into his cheeks. "You might know them, yeah."

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "Them?"

"Jesus you look good, Hermione."

Harry almost squeaked, his eyes widening and nearly popping out of his skull when a set of arms fell onto his shoulders, two larger figures coming out of nowhere to stand on either side of him. He could see Hermione's brain working in overdrive as she stared wordlessly at him. He looked at the floor.

"Where the hell were you two?" Ron snapped. "This is your own birthday party. You're supposed to stay at your own party, you know."

"Thanks for the tip, Ron," George drawled.

"We were busy trying out our new line of products," Fred said matter-of-factly.

Ron opened his mouth but quickly closed it, his ears turning pink. "Oh."

Fred grinned. "Have you seen Ginny? We hear she's smashed."

"Neville found her about half an hour ago," Hermione said.

"You should wear that outfit everywhere," George noted.

"Stop teasing her!" Ron snapped when Hermione let out a wordless 'eep'.

"All right, all right. We're sorry, Hermione," George said.

Fred winked at her. "Even though it's still true."

"Go away!" Ron said, shooing them with his hands.

The twins grinned and turned to look at Harry.

"We appreciate your present," Fred said.

"Very much," George agreed. "We'll never forget it."

"Sh-Sure," Harry nodded, still looking at the floor. A finger curled under his chin, pulling his head up to stare into two pairs of grinning faces.

"Don't hide so much, Harry. You're super cute when you actually let people notice you."

With that, the faces disappeared into the crowd and their laughter mixed into the other voices until Harry only had the memory of their hands on his skin to remember.

"Harry?" Ron asked hesitantly after a moment.

"Yeah?" Harry replied, still watching the spot where the two had been swallowed by the mess of flesh and fabric and voices Harry couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Why's your shirt inside out?"


End file.
